(no subject)

[laszlo]

[Network, such as it is.]

Two queries!

Firstly- Who's up for making a quasi-religious porno with me?

[As he's feeling somewhat inspired by the setting; lewd wink etc.]

Secondly- I'm looking for a Novice by the name of Mary Keay? As we've been paired.

[Spam]

[Or find him wandering about, idly wondering if he could order someone to let him feed on them and get away with it.]

Comments

[sharkskinned]

You're one of the new boys, aren't you?

[laszlo]

You can say that, yes. How about yourself?

[Be happy he didn't ask if she was an old girl.]

[sharkskinned]

Oh, I'm the girl you were looking for, dearie! Where shall we meet?

[laszlo]

Well then, hello good lady Mary! Wherever you'd like!

[sharkskinned]

Why don't you tell me all about yourself while I come and find you?

[ Mary isn't really planning to kill this complete stranger with the annoying plummy voice, at least not before finding out what use he might be. But she walks these hallways every day, and she's in the habit of being prepared.

Her walking stick is made of some large creature's wing bone. Mary found the bone in the nets and carved it herself, including the second, smaller bone that she made into a concealed spike, like a sword cane. Her own straight razor didn't come with her, but she keeps a replacement tucked into her bra, just in case she wants it.

Meanwhile she moves easily through the labyrinthine bowels of the ship, listening to Laszlo's voice until she can pinpoint his location. If she were dealing with a human, she would absolutely be able to pull off sneaking up on him, which is what she tries for. ]

[laszlo]

[Oh, he doesn't mind rambling, which he'll proceed to do at length, talking about his 'family' in Staten Island, his recent life on the Barge and his good lady wife Nadja. Which won't however, keep him from wondering how she'll able to locate him; generally it's the other way around on the Barge, with the inmate showing up on the warden's item. So he's suspecting a power of some sort right off the bat... which is also not a bad idea, if he wanted to watch her.]

[sharkskinned]

Mary is not, in fact, using any powers: the one she died with relied to a large extent on a book she no longer has and in any case it never helped her kill anyone. No, Mary's just very aware of herself and her surroundings and is also not nearly as infirm as she wants people to think. (She doesn't need a stick to walk, for example.)

She finds him by trailing the rambling voice to its source, and she moves almost silently, with a big, ponderous grace. She fails entirely to surprise Laszlo, but she can live with that. She gives him a sharp smile.

"I see someone's heard of me! How exciting! I like the sound of your wife, is she not here?"

[laszlo]

"It would appear you have at least one previous acquaintance amongst our group of newcomers," he replies, smiling pleasantly. Probably more than one, given how many Bargizens seem to be from that world. Now that they're in each other's presence, he doesn't sense any supernatural aura; she seems fairly human as far as he can tell.

"Sadly, she is not. It would appear some of us have been placed on another ship; there's quite a few of our number absent."

[atowncalledtreffy]

Oh my god...

I think Kirei's here. He's religious.

[laszlo]

Doubtlessly he'll thank you for volunteering him.

[atowncalledtreffy]

Well, I'm not going to fuck you. No offense, I don't think we're each other's type.

Why's it got to be someone religious whoring themselves out for your pleasure?

[laszlo]

The feeling is beyond mutual, I assure you.

It doesn't have to be someone religious; that's just the theme, given the setting.

[atowncalledtreffy]

So, fake priests? Nuns?

[laszlo]

Yes, as I said, quasi-religious. So definitely fake.

[atowncalledtreffy]

You could start prostituting yourself. Maybe actually do something worthwhile for the ship.

[laszlo]

I'm filming a porno, not whoring it up.

[atowncalledtreffy]

...Why?

[laszlo]

Call it a hobby.

[atowncalledtreffy]

Sex is your hobby.

[laszlo]

As opposed to a profession, yes.

[atowncalledtreffy]

Well, I'll...keep an eye out if there's ever a sex-crazed hobbyist who wants to fuck a vampire.

Not here.

[unknownjoy]

[NO HE WILL NOT... but fortunately for Trevor, Kirei doesn't know about this conversation - because he promptly shut the communicator off at the first mention of porn.]

Also Not Here.

[laszlo]

[Definitely NO REAL PRIESTS ALLOWED.]

[lifeofsin]

[There's a particularly long stare, complete with lifted eyebrows.]

I'm not even sure I wanna know what you're askin'... [So. Naturally:] The hell's a quasi-religious porno, exactly?

[laszlo]

Which part are you failing to understand? Quasi-religious? Porno? All of the above?

[lifeofsin]

The last two worlds I was on, porn didn't even exist. Not that I don't know what it is, by now. Some of the stuff that winds up in the net, and all...

[Jecht's not even fazed by it, apparently. Beyond being clearly fascinated, of course.]

Quasi-religious, though... How's that even work alongside it?

[laszlo]

Fake priests fucking, basically.

[lifeofsin]

[That gets another laugh.]

Creative, I like it! Whatever makes being here less awful.

[You do you, buddy.]

[fuckyouplayme]

Maybe if you were a few decades younger. Bears aren't really my type.

[laszlo]

Not too much of a difference really, between 468 and 488.

[fuckyouplayme]

[What.]

You don't look a day over 400.

[laszlo]

Well, as they say- 400 is the old age of youth; 500 the youth of old age.

[fuckyouplayme]

All those years and still begging online for sex. Guess desperation doesn't wear off.

[laszlo]

Filming a porno happens to be an art form; something which is clearly beyond your childlike comprehension.

[fuckyouplayme]

[Childlike? How dare you]

How are you going to film it?

[laszlo]

With my pet insect drone of course.

[What a question, honestly.]

[fuckyouplayme]

I invented half the ones on this ship. They answer to me, you zombified cretin.

[laszlo]

Mine came with me, you gormless manky plonker. [A Barge pet, obviously.] It only answers to me.

[Annnd he's had enough of this knob-head and disconnects.]

[statementfuckingends]

[He makes a point to tune in when he recognises a Barge voice, but he doesn't expect to recognise that name.]

Oh, fuck off. Mary fucking Keay, seriously?!

[laszlo]

[Laszlo also recognizes a Barge voice, and is equally surprised that the Barge person would recognize a non-Barge person.]

Know her, do you?

[statementfuckingends]

[His voice sounds faintly muffled for a moment as he rubs his face.]

Not personally, but knowing our luck it's the same one from my world. She's a bloody psychopath, skinned people to turn into pages in her horrible bloody Leitner.

[laszlo]

[Leitners, he's familiar with, thanks to Jon.]

Well, that certainly sounds like a gruesome hobby.

[But he's apparently less grossed-out than Tim.]